My wife's Dad was a pretty colorful individual. These are just a few things I remember about him. I was going to write a story and took these down as notes.
It is my birthday and I can do anything I want. As if he ever did anything else.
While attending one of the grandkids weddings:
He wore his false teeth for awhile, but then took them out.
He refused to wear his hearing aid, so a conversation went like this:
Trudy--”Where are the keys?” She had driven the car and given the keys back to her dad.
Lad, very loudly, so everyone in the place could hear. “Eat! Why do you need to eat? You’ve been eating all day!!”
“No, I said KEYS. Where are the KEYS!”
“Well, I don’t know why you need to eat.”
“Dad, I want the car keys!”
“You eat too much! We’ve been eating ever since we got here!”
While Trudy was driving the car from Cuba to Beloit, Dad likes to save on gas. The Buick has a freewheeling transmission, so when the gas pedal has no pressure on it, the car will coast with little resistance. Also, since he is a farmer, he is used to a vehicle going rather slowly. So, as they approached a stop sign about a half mile away, he said, “Let it coast.” Trudy let up on the gas, but evidently not soon enough to suit him. “Let it coast!” he said more emphatically. “Let it coast, you drive too fast! This isn’t the city! We don’t drive like that out here.” Of course, by then the car was still a quarter of a mile from the stop sign and at a complete halt. Drivers behind were beginning to get impatient.
Clipping his toenails with the clippings ricocheting off her glasses
Driving slowly because of the danger of deer on the highway. He has deer warning devices mounted on the front bumpers of his car which emit a high-pitched noise while driving. Trudy calls them “deer sensors.” While driving in Concordia, lights kept turning red as they approached them. Lad decided it was because the deer sensors were causing the lights to turn. Of course, he creeps away from lights and coasts up to them to save gas. However, when a woman in front of him didn’t zoom away as soon as the light changed, he muttered that he should have bumped her to get her moving.
In the hospital confronted with a breakfast including a poached egg, in the shell. He seemed to not know what to do with the egg, so he called the nurse. He asked her to peel the egg for him, saying, “I never peeled no egg at home and I sure ain’t going to do it here.”