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“Old Fart”

by Brian G. Angevine

(Inspired by Julie Andrews’ presentation for the benefit of the AARP)

 

Boom chicka chicka chicka

Boom chicka boom chicka

Boom chicka chicka chicka

Booom chicka Boom

 

I have pain in my back,

My knuckles crack,

There’s a problem with my nose,

And a drip in my hose.

I have painful arthritis,

And noisy sinusitis,

My knees groan and creak,

And my thingy leaks.

 

Well I’m OLD Booma chicka chicka THUMP

That’s OLD Lamma licka licka LUMP

Don’t you hear me? I’m OLD

That’s OLD! Boom chicka chicka BOOM

 

Sometimes when I laugh

It causes gas to pass,

I can’t walk too fast

Or the wrong thing gets passed.

I lost my balance

Putting up a valance,

And burned stuff with fire

Messing with electric wire.

 

Well I’m OLD Booma chicka chicka THUMP

That’s OLD Lamma licka licka LUMP

Don’t you hear me? I’m OLD

That’s OLD! Boom chicka chicka BOOM

 

My hair’s all gray,

And my fingernails fray,

I forget what I came for

Every time I open up a door.

Got these funky man breasts,

And hair all over my chest,

My ears don’t hear,

At girls I do leer.

 

Well I’m OLD Booma chicka chicka THUMP

That’s OLD Lamma licka licka LUMP

Don’t you hear me? I’m OLD

That’s OLD! Boom chicka chicka BOOM